


i can breathe for the first time

by chasingflower



Series: skam fic week [4]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff, Love Confessions, basically the first chap is noora yellin at willhell and the next chap is her being gay with eva, i love this fic so much please read it, what should have happened at eva's birthday party!!!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2018-12-31 06:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12126978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingflower/pseuds/chasingflower
Summary: She feels as if she’s in a daze, time now honey-slow, and she wants to fucking move, get away; she knows that they need to get out of the party, out of the way (God, they’re creating a scene, aren’t they?). She looks up at him, and says slowly, “We should talk, William.”His gaze flickers to her mouth, and she swallows because she knows that if he came even a month ago she’d be all over him. But she’s learned more, now, Sana’s helped, and she knows that this (whatever this may be) needs to end.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello lovelies!!! i hope ur all having a rocking day!!! i wrote this part when the Utter Garbage that was this scene came out, i just finally had the time to rework this so it's maybe partially legible. i hope u all enjoy xxxxx
> 
> this is for the prompt extend/rewrite a canon scene (this needed to be done)
> 
> title from since u been gone by kelly clarkson

So. She and William leave the party. She shoots an apologetic look at Eva, who’s looking at her in shock, with eyebrows raised. But she looks like she’s okay if Noora goes, so Noora nods (partly to herself, partly at William) and she smiles slightly at him. “Okay,” she begins, “yeah, the email.” She nods again, more distinct, and William is looking at her – looking at her like he hasn’t in _months_ – and she’s _craving_ the attention – but she knows, now, that she doesn’t need it from him.

He raises his eyebrow at her words, a small smile tugging at his face. “The email.”

She feels as if she’s in a daze, time now honey-slow, and she wants to fucking move, get away; she knows that they need to get out of the party, out of the way (God, they’re creating a scene, aren’t they?). She looks up at him, and says slowly, “We should talk, William.”

His gaze flickers to her mouth, and she swallows because she knows that if he came even a month ago she’d be all over him. But she’s learned more, now, Sana’s helped, and she knows that this (whatever this may be) needs to end.

She hopes he lets her do that.

(She tells herself that if he doesn’t let her go without a fight, she’s going to file charges against him. She’s had enough, and while she _did_ love him at some point, what he did to get her to think of him like that is irredeemable. She’s had enough and she’s not going to let it continue.)

++

She and William leave, and Chris stays. Noora, in a moment of self-sabotage, wonders what he and Eva are going to do. Is that what Eva wants?

If it is, Noora will allow it. She’ll cry and mope for the night, and in the morning, everything will be fine. Probably.

She’ll be okay.

++

They wind up in William’s house. It’s got lots of memories (mostly bad), but she does feel a pang in her chest when she remembers sitting on his counter while he looked for something to make (This does not make her think of doing this with Eva, in the kitchen back at the kollectiv; it most definitely does not make her think of doing this with Eva at Eva’s own house. Or a flat in which the two of them share in some hypothetical future). Noora shakes herself and walks over to the couch in the living room, looks at William, and sits down. She makes sure that she’s on the edge, but she angles herself towards the center, so she’d be able to look him in the eye if he were to sit next to her.

Which he does.  Brow raised, he sits. He’s silent, and it’s a little off-putting, especially because she knows that she’s going to turn him down. “Well?” he says, snapping her out if her thoughts.

She coughs. “Yes. So. You got an email, from me. Saying that… saying what, exactly?” She’s messing with the ring on her finger, looking anywhere but at his face. She knows she needs to be assertive, and she once was – but then he came along and wore her down. It’s just one other thing that she should be furious with him about.

He looks at her, curious. “The email said that you loved me and you wanted me back here. That if I came, you’d know that I love you back.” He shrugs, “So, here I am, Noora.”

She nods. “Okay.” Her stomach is going crazy with nerves, but she needs to do this. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t send you the email.”

He looks at her, brow furrowed. “It was from your account, Noora,” he says, and his tone makes it seem like he’s trying to explain something to a toddler. It grates on her nerves and gives her the strength to continue.

“It was my friend. She thought she was helping me, by sending you an email.” And while Noora has an idea that this is not was Sana had intended to do, she’s glad that it happened anyway. This meeting needed to happen, to give the two of them closure (or at least, offer closure for herself).

“And how, exactly, did she think this was going to help?” he sounds annoyed ( _good_ , she thinks viciously) but he’s still relatively calm.

Noora puts her palms in her lap and looks him dead in the eye. “She had heard rumors that you’d hooked up with another girl in London. She knew I still liked you, and she wanted to see if this was true.” She pauses and takes in his carefully composed expression. “And by your expression, I’d think it’s safe to assume that they were true.”

“Noora-” he starts, and she cuts him off.

“It’s okay. Well, it’s not okay, because even though I had left, I don’t know if we ever really ‘broke up’,” she says this, and makes air quotes around the phrase. She takes his silence as conformation that he’s still listening, so she continues. “So, if that were the case, William, it would mean that you cheated on me.”

He’s making noises in disagreement as soon as she says this. She raises her eyebrow at him. “So. William. This is where we stand. I was told, about a month ago, that you hooked up with some other girl. I’ve had a month to think about it, and I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re over. I will not be getting back with you, I will not be following you back to London, and you will not make me feel guilty about my decision. Is that clear?”

“Noora, this is ridiculous. Can I at least explain?” he says, and Noora’s surprised that he’s yet to become angry with her yet.

“No,” she says, calmly. “I’ve been without you for 8 months. It’s time the two of us moved on. I have. I hope you’re capable of doing the same.”

“You’re making a mistake,” he says lowly, and now Noora can sense his anger. She swallows, but continues to make her point.

“And you are _not_ going to bully my friends so I listen to you. I still have all of the texts you sent me from before, and I’m not afraid to report you-”

“ _Report_ me?” he yells, eyes blazing. “What the _fuck_ , Noora-”

“Don’t say that you won’t, William, you have and I wouldn’t put it past you to do it again,” she says, and while the volume of her speech is loud, her voice is even.

He looks furious with her. “How can you say you’d report me when you couldn’t even do it with my brother?”

She feels like she’s been punched. “I felt isolated, William. I was all _alone_ in London – I moved there for _you!_ I moved to see you, and I couldn’t even do that! You were so involved with work with your father, I just, I couldn’t do it any longer.

“So I came back, and guess what? I’m _not_ alone, I’m _not_ isolated. I know I’m not, because I’m home, with my friends. They’d support me, and if I decide to go to the police, they’d be right with me.”

He looks pissed off, to put it plainly. Noora blinks at him and stands. “I’m going to leave. Take care, William, but for your sake, you’ll leave me be.” With that, she blinks once, tightens her jaw, and walks out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I, um, I also like someone else,” Eva continues with a blush. “So I told him that we were done.”
> 
> Vilde latches onto this, looking slightly manic with excitement. “You like someone? Who?”
> 
> Eva shrugs. “Um, it’s not a big deal. They’re straight, so. And dating someone.”
> 
> Noora thinks that she’s going to die. She honestly thinks that she’s going to keel over, collapse, and die.
> 
> Sana elbows Noora in a move that was the _least_ sly thing Noora’s ever experienced. Noora’s about to elbow Sana right back when Sana speaks, “I’m sure it’s going to work out, Eva. Trust me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here's the second part!! sorry for the wait!! <3 <3

She gets herself home in a kind of heartbroken, achy daze. She knows Eskild and Linn are going to be curious, and while talking about what happened is the last thing she wants to do, she wants the comfort of her room and her duvet.

She opens the door to the flat, trying her hardest to be quiet and non-intrusive; she opens the door and both roommates are on the couch, seemingly waiting for her to be back.

“Noora!” Eskild says grandly, jumping off the couch. “What are you doing back here?”

She gives him a tired smile. “I’ll explain in the morning? I want to go to bed.” She says.

Eskild deflates immediately, and Linn and he share a worried look. “Of course, Noora,” Eskild says. “We’re here for you, you know that, right?”

If she weren’t already fighting tears, this would have done her in. as it is, she swallows a lump in her throat and gives them a watery smile. “Thanks.”

++

“Err, Noora? You have a guest?” Eskild says through her door. Noora groans into her pillow, but eventually sits upright and tries to rub the sleep out of her eyes.

“Yeah, who is it?” she shouts back, and she debates whether or not she should get out of bed. Or put pants on.

Eskild opens the door, and she sees Sana walk in, looking worried and a little guilty. Any sleepiness Noora felt vanishes, and she smiles at her and waves her over. “Sana!” she says, surprise in her voice. “What are you doing here?”

Sana hovers near the door, looking awkward. She bites her lip and is fiddling with her phone. “I wanted to apologize,” she says, and she looks at Noora, worried expression still in place. “It was wrong of me to send the email, and I’m sorry –”

“Sana,” Noora interrupts. Sana looks startled. “Get over here.” Noora continues, and pats the bed.

Sana bites her lip again, but makes her way to the bed. Noora’s struck with how hesitant her friend is being, and she wants to make sure she understands that there are no hard feelings between the two. Noora pushes the covers back, and Sana crawls in and sits next to her. Noora smooths the duvet in front of her and turns to Sana with a smile. “Listen to me, Sana. It’s okay. I’m not mad at you.”

Sana takes a moment to parse this information. “You aren’t?”

“I’m not.” She nudges her shoulder. “Actually, I’m glad you emailed him. It gave us a chance to talk.”

Sana frowns. “Talk?”

Noora nods. “About why I was over him, and that he needed to keep his distance.”

Sana blinks at her, thunderstruck. “Really?”

Noora nods again, and gives a small smile. “Really. You getting him out here just gave me an opportunity to let him know that my feelings have changed.”

Sana looks thoroughly impressed. “And what changed them?”

Noora grins. “Taking to you! Being with my friends! Not being near him all the time. It’s a breath of fresh air, honestly. It was exhausting, being with him. I was on edge all the time, but it’s okay because it’s over. I have my friends, I have you,” she says confidently, “and I _also_ happen to like someone else who happens to be loads better than he could ever dream of being. So. I’m happy, and I’m thanking you, Sana, for getting him over here.”

Sana looks at her for a long moment, and a smile grows on her face. “If you say so.”

The two lapse into a comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Sana pauses and nudges Noora’s shoulder.

“Wait, Noora,” Sana says slowly, mischief in her tone. “You said you like someone. If it’s not William, and it’s not Yousef, then who is it?” Sana moves to bump shoulders with her again. “You have to tell me.”

Noora groans, and Sana smirks. “Do I have to tell you? It’s sad. It’s sad for me, because I don’t know if they’re dating anyone.”

Sana doesn’t seem impressed with this answer. “So just ask them?” At the incredulous expression Noora gives in response, Sana lets out a huff and rolls her eyes. “All right, so _I’ll_ ask them.”

“I can’t have you do that-”

“I’m going to anyway, so you might as well tell me who it is we’re talking about.” She raises her eyebrow minutely, smile on her face. “Is it Jonas?”

Noora jerks up and looks at Sana, taken aback. “Jonas? Eva’s ex? No!” she laughs. “No, it’s not Jonas, Sana. God.”

Sana laughs too. “If I’m so bad at guessing, then just tell me. I’m not going to get mad at you.”

Noora nods and bites her lip, her easy-going mood slowly evaporating. “See, it’s um. I kinda have a thing for Eva?” she says, voice raising when she gets to Eva’s name. She feels herself blushing. “Yeah. I like Eva.”

Sana looks at her, expression fond. “I bet if you told her that, she’d tell you the same thing.”

“No, Sana. I can’t hope for something like that. Not when she and Chris hook up every other weekend.”

“Yes, for fun, Noora. I don’t think it’s a serious thing on either part. They’re friends.”

“So are we,” Noora says petulantly. “We don’t make out at parties.”

Sana’s expression is calm. “I still think it wouldn’t hurt to tell Eva. You may be surprised.”

Noora huffs and rolls her eyes. “I doubt it, Sana, but I do appreciate it.”

Sana gives her a look, and Noora narrows her eyes. “What?”

Sana shrugs, suddenly nonchalant, and Noora sighs loudly, and tries to fight a grin. “Sana,” she whines, drawing out the last syllable.

“I didn’t say anything!” Sana says, fighting her own smile. “Honestly, Noora, you need to relax.”

“ _I_ need to relax?”

Sana laughs.

++

It’s lunch the next day, and the girls are all giggling and gossiping. Noora feels light, lighter than she has in ages, and it must be due to the carefree way her friends are acting. She loves them, she thinks to herself, and she’s so glad that she gets to have this.

“Oh, come off it, Vilde,” Chris says loudly, laughing through her words. “You can’t honestly think that Julian has a sugar daddy. That’s fucking ridiculous, _please_ -”

“I’m not saying I believe it!” Vilde responds with a laugh of her own. “I’m just saying that that’s what I’ve heard.”

Eva interjects with a smile. “I don’t know, Chris, I heard he just loaned someone Jonas knows 200 kroner.”

The four of them spin to look at Eva in shock. “ _What?_ ”

Eva laughs. “Yeah, I know, right?”

They all dissolve into giggles.

“Hey, Eva,” Sana starts as the snickering dies down. “How’s Chris? I heard he was trying to ask you out?”

Eva groans, and the Vilde and Chris burst into oohs and ahhs. Noora feels her stomach fall to her feet, and she throws an accusing look at Sana. “Please, Sana, not you too!” Eva says with a laugh. “Please, it’s so awkward.”

“How’s that?” Sana asks. “What about it was awkward?”

Eva waves her hand in a vague motion and makes a face. “I don’t know. He just doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not serious about him? Like he came and gave me flowers.” She makes a face and continues. “Just bring me food, please – and I’ve told him this, too.”

“Not serious?” Noora hears herself saying. She tries not to flush at the sudden attention, but keeps her eyes on Eva.

Eva gives her a half grin. “No. he’s great for sex and everything, but he’s not serious. Like, he’s not who I want to be with in three months, or three years. He’s not ‘long term’”, and she puts air quotes around the word.

Noora thinks her heart is going to beat out of her chest.

“I, um, I also like someone else,” she continues with a blush. “So I told him that we were done.”

Vilde latches onto this, looking slightly manic with excitement. “You like someone? Who?”

Eva shrugs. “Um, it’s not a big deal. They’re straight, so. And dating someone.”

Noora thinks that she’s going to die. She honestly thinks that she’s going to keel over, collapse, and die.

Sana elbows Noora in a move that was the _least_ sly thing Noora’s ever experienced. Noora’s about to elbow Sana right back when Sana speaks, “I’m sure it’s going to work out, Eva. Trust me.”

Eva’s returning smile is a little dimmer than normal, and Noora wants more than anything, to have the smile be as real and as vibrant as before.

“But! Enough about me. Noora,” Eva says, and the sadness is gone; in its place is excitement directed at her. “Noora, please tell us: what the fuck happened with you and William?”

“Oh, right,” she begins, and she feels so awkward. “I broke up with him.” She shrugs and avoids eye contact.

Sana eyes Noora, and opens her mouth to add on. “She realized that he was a tool. She also,” she gives Noora a look, and Noora nods, feeling almost weighed down. “Told me that she likes someone else.” Sana looks to Eva, a faux surprised expression on her face. “Funny, just like you, Eva.”

Eva swallows, and Noora feels herself blushing. “Sana,” she whines, causing Sana to grin widely. “Did you really have to say that?”

“Say what?”

“You like someone else?” Eva interrupts, and she doesn’t look the slightest bit guilty. “Who?”

Noora looks at her, her stomach going wild with nerves. “Oh, you know. It’s no big deal.” She swallows down her nerves and keeps talking. “I’m not sure that she, um, even likes me. So, I’m just gonna, you know,” she waves her hand dismissively, and tries not to blush at the attention from her friends. “I’ll probably get over it.”

Vilde makes a sad noise. “Get over it? Noora, you have to take charge! Put yourself out there! As long as it’s not William,” she scrunches her nose, as if saying his name was painful, “I think it’s going to be fine. And!” she says, excited, “You said _she_ , didn’t you?” She turns to Eva, and her expression is bright with mischief. She places her hands on the table, and leans in to the group. “So did you! I can’t believe you haven’t told me you liked girls, I thought we were friends.” She says the last part with so much extra drama that both Sana and Chris snort into their lunches.

Noora bites her lip, “Vilde, please,”

Vilde laughs brightly. “Oh, I don’t mind. Please, I’m not actually mad, God. You all know how long it took me to come out, I’m not going to nag you too.”

Eva and Noora share shaky grins and look to Vilde, smiles still in place. “Well, Vilde,” Eva begins, “I guess this means we’ll have to talk about both boys and girls a lot more now.”

Chris bursts into loud laughter and Sana fights a grin. Vilde beams at the two of them. “I know. But, we got side tracked. Noora, who do you like? Eva, same to you! You keep saying that you both like someone, let us help! We can put feelers out to see if they like girls as well.”

Noora feels her face heating up again. “Vilde, please, it’s fine. You don’t need to do that.” She pointedly avoids looking at Eva, even though she can feel Eva’s stare.

Thankfully, Sana speaks up, putting Noora out of her misery. “Let’s leave them both alone, okay?” Noora is overwhelmed with gratitude for her. Sana smirks, and Noora’s gratitude starts to fade into suspicion. “Let’s leave them both here so they can talk? They’ve got a lot in common now. Also, Chris, you said you’d help me with my German homework?”   

Noora takes back any good thing she’s ever said to Sana. As they all stand to leave, picking up their lunch trash, Sana’s smirk is still in place as she turns to Noora. Noora narrows her eyes and Sana raises her eyebrow, trying to appear not guilty, and Noora just wants to die.

Eva coughs, obviously trying to make the tension dissipate. Noora smiles at her, appreciating the effort, but she’s not sure it worked.

“So, that was sly, wasn’t it?” Noora attempts to joke, but her voice falls a little flat. Eva still smiles at her though, so it’s not all lost.

“Completely. I also know that Sana’s been finished with her German homework for the past two days.”

Noora smiles back. They sit there, a little awkward, for a few moments. Noora’s had enough, and she also feels like self-sabotaging herself, so she asks, “You like someone though? That’s good, isn’t it?” Then she remembers what Eva had said earlier, and modifies her statement. “I mean. Not the part where she’s straight. That’s never fun.”

Eva looks at her, startled. “Oh.” She bites her lip, and looks a little awkward. “Um, turns out she’s not? I just assumed. I guess I shouldn’t do that.”

Noora’s stomach bottoms out again. “Oh, that’s great news, Eva!” she says truthfully, but she’s not sure why the words feel like sand and why it feels like she’s lying through her teeth. “Does that mean you’re going to ask them out?”

Eva looks a little alarmed. “I don’t know. I was content to just pine. Kind of like what you said earlier.”

Noora nods, understanding. “My situation is a little more complicated, so I was just going to let it be. But I think you should ask them, Eva, honest. You may be surprised.”

She quiet for a few moments, brow furrowed in thought. She’s long stopped eating and is now just picking at her salad with her fork. “So I should just go for it?” she says, slightly disproving. “I don’t want to ruin anything.”

“Ruin?” Noora asks, frowning. “What’s there to ruin?”

“She’s my best friend,” she says softly, and looks at Noora with a worried expression. “There’s a lot on the line.”

Noora opens her mouth to respond, something along the lines of ‘it’s probably going to be fine’ when her words catch up with her. It feels like her brain screeches to a halt, her eyes widening as she takes in Eva’s pained expression. “What?” she breaths out, and she feels like she’s in a dream. Nothing is real, she thinks hysterically, nothing is real, and Eva said that she likes her. “Do you mean?” she trails off, still sounding dazed.

Eva wrings her hands together, but it doesn’t look like she’s going to run. “Yeah.” She swallows. “For a while now, actually.” She winces minutely as she says the second phrase.

Noora reaches for Eva’s hand before she’s aware she even moved. Eva’s eyes widen as she links their fingers together, and something like hope is lighting behind her eyes. Noora smiles at her and feels butterflies flutter in her stomach. “Eva,” she says again, softly, with a grin. She watches as Eva’s expression smooths out. “There’s nothing to ruin.”

Eva beams, and Noora feels like air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading!!!!! my tumblr is @evahmohns

**Author's Note:**

> thank u so much for reading!!! i have no idea when the next part is going to be posted (hold in there) but i hope u liked it nonetheless :)))


End file.
